Saturday, August 22, 2009

10 Signs- You May be an Assweed

This is a public service designed to educate & inform individuals on the surrounding dangers of every day life & people.If you fit in any of the explanations below, you may be an assweed, & are a domestic enemy of the constitution of the United States, and those who abide therein.

You are an Assweed if....
  1. You pack an icecream sandwich in your child's lunchbox for school. Just because it's a pre made sandwich, doesn't mean it's a good idea.
  2. You shut off your refrigerator because you are going off on a long trip. Energy conservation is a good idea, but you probably left the hot water heater on because you are an assweed.
  3. Traffic- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
  4. Long lines at the store- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
  5. You park your car at the four way intersection to wait & see the pretty red light.
  6. You lie in wait to attack anyone with the gaul to complete an entire sentence. Either written or spoken.
  7. You have already passed the number of sentences you are typically able to read before punching the cat. 
  8. You have a cat. (Disclaimer to cat lovers!! Not all people with cats are assweeds, but all assweeds have cats. They are usually kept under the gas / brake pedals of their automobiles.)
  9. If you lick your LCD screen thinking that you'll get high, not only are you an assweed, but you have no rights under the protection of law.
  10. Lastly, if you complain about gaining weight from eating fast food, & decide to sue someone over it, check your child's lunchbox for a weeks worth of melted ice cream sandwiches.  But perhaps there is no need! If you made it this far, you must not be an assweed. 
More to follow on the matter as things get worse out there.