Friday, September 16, 2011

Cause and Effect

          So I took a stroll down the street one day with several things on my mind. Half paying attention to my surroundings, (Just enough to keep myself from getting plastered by oncoming traffic), my gaze shifted to an object, somehow placed on loose runoff sand roadside. A quarter. I've got no problem picking up change that others decide they don't want. Fools! 
          While squatting, picking up my twenty five cent treasure, I see a small game trail shooting off into the woods. I stand and figure why not? So down the trail I go. Twenty minutes or so go by, the roar of traffic is now long since gone, replaced by the tranquil sounds of the woods. Still preoccupied with deep thought, I never noticed. 
          All of a sudden my attention deficit had been violently assaulted by a muddy brook that spanned a foot across and a foot deep. After removing my foot from the muck, I looked around and realized that I had absolutely no idea where I had wound up. No big deal, just come back the way you came. Right?
          Wrong. The game trail had broken off into several different directions, at several intervals throughout the woods. So I pick what 'feels' right and move along with one foot now heavier than the other. In my trek, I hear buzzing coming from overhead. A hornet's nest perched midway up a dead tree. Great! Needless to say, my pace quickens, but to no avail. Throughout a quarter mile radius from where I stood, one would hear, "Aah",then followed by the sound of a slap, then another "Aah", slap, "Aah", slap, "AAAAAAAHHHHH" over and over again. This repeated till I moved out of the hornet's range.
          Walking on, (with leaves, mud, and small twigs stuck to my shoe), I found myself very distracted with periodic mosquito swats and branch dodging. At one point, this chosen trail started climbing up a steep hill. Eventually I found myself clutching at branches, trying to pull myself up without losing balance. Midway up, I latched on to a thick branch in which I took full confidence in it's ability to hold my weight while I pulled myself onward. I chose unwisely. Snap! Off I go spiraling down the hill, smashing into every branch and tree that once helped me on. My plummet stops and I can think of only one thing. The phrase, 'Falling out of the ugly tree and hitting every branch on the way down.' Why I don't know, it was just there.
          After a while, I abandoned the trails and just decided to make my own way to the road and found success. When I reached the road, I took a moment to assess myself. Everything I had worn was filthy from the tumble. Pants ripped, shirt ripped, one white shoe, one dark brown with woods poo, stings around the face and several places that I dare not inspect roadside, and small scratches anywhere that was exposed. As I stood, not 1 mile away from home, a car pulls aside and stops. The driver kindly handed me a twenty and proceeded to direct me to the nearest shelter, and drove away.
          I walk into the house and into the living room where my wife sat horrified at the sight of me. "What the hell happened to you!" she said almost in a panic. 
          "I found a quarter." I said plainly, then went back outside and began contemplating how good my day would have been if I never noticed that damned quarter. 

          Is this a true story? Who cares.

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