Sunday, March 4, 2012

Straightening out a sheared strip of material

Straightening out a sheared strip of material

Aluminum, Stainless, or Mild Steel

Aluminum, Stainless, or Mild Steel:

'via Blog this'

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Wha Are The Chances?

Why live entertainment should never take part on a plane.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Sometimes It's Good To be an American

At least in the US we don't make trains out of people!
They didn't let the guy on the tracks join the people train due to a difference of views between coffee or tea.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year Everyone! You're All Gonna Die!

     Behold! It is the dread year 2012! Finally, less than a year left where we can be entertained by the gloom and doom that TV shows and movies have thrived on over the last several years. I mean, who doesn't know that we're all gonna die this coming December?

     Hmm... Guess it didn't dawn on me that there could be a few people left that may not have been paying attention to the discovery channel. If this is you, please relax as I break this to you as carefully as possible. You are going to die in December. Don't panic, because everyone you know is going to die as well. But at least before you die you will have the chance to see a quick moment of the earth spinning fluid-like at about 1,000 miles per hour under your feet while the poles swap, or maybe a mega tsunami blotting the sun out over your house. On the other hand, you may have the chance to see a mega super ray of energy burn through our atmosphere, blasting from a quasar billions of miles away that just happened to reach us. Sorry to bring you down, but you may need to rev change your New Years resolutions to accommodate not lasting the year.

     On the other hand, the Mayans (the ones who named the date) call it the time of change, not necessarily the day of destruction. I am going to love to see how that one is played out. If nothing happens, how quickly do you think the die hard end of timers will come up with excuses? The end has started, but it will take longer than their lifetime for the end to take full effect. Kind of like an end of world time release capsule that Earth will swallow in December.

     Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be the guy treading water while watching the ark float away, after telling Noah he's a reject for thinking that it's going to rain. That would be embarrassing. Nor do I want to fall into the 'We're all gonna die' company, as this perception is usually nuts. Especially when particular dates are given.

    Personally, I think the Mayan calender ends on that particular day for a different kind of reason. Reason being is, well, it needs to end somewhere! Think about the guy who had to perform all the calculations. Staring at the stars every night scribbling down this lousy calendar, dealing with cataracts that has made even that particularly difficult, and scratching down results with arthritic hands and fingers. Spending his adult life trying to figure out the date for thousands of years after he will be long since dead. It was made by a human, how the hell is it going to go on infinitely? I guess I'm saying he stopped. Flat out decided that enough is enough... December of the year 2012 is as good of a time as any to call it a job well done.

     Oh yeah, there is that whole alien giving the Mayans their calendar thing... Of course...

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas to All!

     Oh my god did I say Merry Christmas?

     Happy Holidays my ass. I love how this time of year brings out the whiner in allot of people. The same people that complain about what's been on a building for the last 80 years, or file complaints because someone's yard decorations make them think of a religion besides their own. What I dislike about these people even more is that they've forced me to whine about them! 

     This isn't a personal gripe, as if someone's complained about any decor in my yard. But every time I turn on any talk radio or watch the news, inevitably there it is. Someone's put up a nativity scene again and someone driving through town is offended and uses his right to form a protest. Of all the things to complain about... I wish I had so few things to worry about and waste time on, to file complaints to town offices and stand around in protest because someone does something I don't like. 

     If you don't like it, don't look at it. And if you happen to look at it anyway, mumble and curse under your breath about these people like any other red blooded American, and make an end of it. To be any more reactive than that is just being a sniveling whine-ass that needs an enema. 

Aside from the statements above I have no strong feelings on the matter.

Merry Christmas to all!
Dr. P.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Dr P's Famous Quotes & Reactions

1. Money doesn't buy happiness. Even if this is true, misery is insured without it. This is still a stupid quote as money doesn't buy anything... People do.

2. The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is. What if you're a scumbag? Or how about a would be child molester coming to the realization of what he is after getting his ass kicked all over a playground by a couple of enraged parents? Does this eureka moment produce a sense of happiness?

3. He jumped the shark (or) Don't jump the shark. What's wrong with 'Don't overreact' or 'take your time'? This sounds more like what you'd say about a suicide. For example, One would say "Where's Stan?" the other answers "You didn't hear? Last Tuesday he jumped the shark." Wouldn't that be a more likely outcome from jumping a shark? Death?

4. Don't rain on my parade! This usually comes when someone is given news that he or she doesn't like. Well, if you can't deal with the truth, you don't deserve to have your own personal dumb ass parade! Stand on the sidewalks like everyone else that had enough sense to bring an umbrella.

I'll do some more of these as they come to mind. Until then, stay safe and remember... Never punch a gift horse in the mouth with a roll of wooden nickles.

Horses have four horseshoes... They must be the luckiest creatures of them all. Hmmmm...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Aint this Cute!

Here's a DR. P. Poorluk poem for all of you emotional types. Concept via my Rise of the Assweeds blog.

I've taped my windows to my house, securely fastened like a louse.
Drilled new peepholes to see who's there. My aim was off, can only see hair.
About the house my peepholes fall, at least 13 through every wall.
Here and there I came to find, wires in walls that cooked my mind.
The drill hit one and shot out a spark, so now I'm hidden in the dark.
I find in the dark number two can be done, but I'm still perfecting number one.
So now I hold number one till the day, at times I can't make it all the way.
Small price to pay for my seclusion, mother says I'm in some kind of delusion.
She wouldn't think of who's lurking about, she's stuck at home rubbing her gout.
But I know the freaks outside of my door, the weirdos, the  crazies with whom I'm at war!

*Gonzo the cat was not hurt in the creation of this poem.*

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Using Keyword Bubble

          I mad libbed my keyword bubble that you'll find here on the site called 'Trippy Word Count', out of a complete lack of intelligent thought. It is kind of weird, but what would you expect on a page dawning the word! Keywords were not moved from the order they were in when I cut & pasted them, and they have been italicized. It actually is kind of a challenge to come up with any continuity. What the hell, why not read the rest of the post to see what I've come up with!

         In the year 2012, I hope that supernatural abilities evolve for anyone who uses adsense. The wrong advice given in the opportune moment can be amazing! When given bad advice by a group of assweeds, you find yourself with your brain shrunken just a bit, and babble dribbles out of your face like a fountain. When encountered with this sort of bad luck, bikes are out of the question since you may be killed.
          If you tend to block reality, blogging may very well be the answer to all of the aforementioned issues. Instead of staring at your walls like a bobble head, try books! Or, you may feast your brain on this kind of BS. If you want to change your life, fashion a  complaint of some sort, and get in the game!  
          Are you the type that finds conspiracy in everything you see? Well, you're probably crazy. But rejoice because they make a  cream for that and can be found in any region at your local Walmart! That's right! For a measly 50 creditsdefinition of such a condition can be changed to fit your needs.
         Side effects are violent  deja vu episodes of becoming a Disney character. Driving is not recommended while using this miracle, because it tends to make you evil. If you fancy the falling game, this also may be a side effect that will lead down the trail of the goofy. 
          If you choose to research this miracle cure via Google, you may run into some undesirables. You may bump into someone who decides to call you a  hairliphammerjackcolon, but use kid gloves with such a person, as hangnails tend to mess with a people's heads. Do not use the high beams on the way to Walmart, you may stir the hornets
          A sense of humor should never be used while eating ice icecream, because it may distract and kill  joggers. Jogging can be very dangerous, and in life, you should be creating a list of these dangers that come with exercise. If you keep it in your lunchbox, money pours out of your thermos like water from a fall, from there your ready for the movies! Political music is harmful to listen to while exercising, as the nerves begin to exit the nervous system
          Another note... Bad news over an online job creates too mush pain for paranormal people. If you are powerful, a  prediction from a  psychic may cause you to hide from the public. So be sure to leave a quarter as a tip. Quitter Socks are ill advised while dealing with that medium, and may cause him to rant over his sandwich.
          If you search online for a story teeth begin to grow in the heads of terrorists giving them thoughts of eating food. This time, the toothache is all theirs, and may cause traffic in the space between their ears which may prevent them from being able to travel. 
          If you feel like being alongside trees, try taking a  trek through the woods. While trekking, Don't be  wacky and walk weird like an idiot. Use words that  writers would be proud of when not suffering from writers block If you follow all the instruction given on this post, you will deserve to be committed to the nearest psychiatric, mental facility. 

Friday, September 16, 2011

Cause and Effect

          So I took a stroll down the street one day with several things on my mind. Half paying attention to my surroundings, (Just enough to keep myself from getting plastered by oncoming traffic), my gaze shifted to an object, somehow placed on loose runoff sand roadside. A quarter. I've got no problem picking up change that others decide they don't want. Fools! 
          While squatting, picking up my twenty five cent treasure, I see a small game trail shooting off into the woods. I stand and figure why not? So down the trail I go. Twenty minutes or so go by, the roar of traffic is now long since gone, replaced by the tranquil sounds of the woods. Still preoccupied with deep thought, I never noticed. 
          All of a sudden my attention deficit had been violently assaulted by a muddy brook that spanned a foot across and a foot deep. After removing my foot from the muck, I looked around and realized that I had absolutely no idea where I had wound up. No big deal, just come back the way you came. Right?
          Wrong. The game trail had broken off into several different directions, at several intervals throughout the woods. So I pick what 'feels' right and move along with one foot now heavier than the other. In my trek, I hear buzzing coming from overhead. A hornet's nest perched midway up a dead tree. Great! Needless to say, my pace quickens, but to no avail. Throughout a quarter mile radius from where I stood, one would hear, "Aah",then followed by the sound of a slap, then another "Aah", slap, "Aah", slap, "AAAAAAAHHHHH" over and over again. This repeated till I moved out of the hornet's range.
          Walking on, (with leaves, mud, and small twigs stuck to my shoe), I found myself very distracted with periodic mosquito swats and branch dodging. At one point, this chosen trail started climbing up a steep hill. Eventually I found myself clutching at branches, trying to pull myself up without losing balance. Midway up, I latched on to a thick branch in which I took full confidence in it's ability to hold my weight while I pulled myself onward. I chose unwisely. Snap! Off I go spiraling down the hill, smashing into every branch and tree that once helped me on. My plummet stops and I can think of only one thing. The phrase, 'Falling out of the ugly tree and hitting every branch on the way down.' Why I don't know, it was just there.
          After a while, I abandoned the trails and just decided to make my own way to the road and found success. When I reached the road, I took a moment to assess myself. Everything I had worn was filthy from the tumble. Pants ripped, shirt ripped, one white shoe, one dark brown with woods poo, stings around the face and several places that I dare not inspect roadside, and small scratches anywhere that was exposed. As I stood, not 1 mile away from home, a car pulls aside and stops. The driver kindly handed me a twenty and proceeded to direct me to the nearest shelter, and drove away.
          I walk into the house and into the living room where my wife sat horrified at the sight of me. "What the hell happened to you!" she said almost in a panic. 
          "I found a quarter." I said plainly, then went back outside and began contemplating how good my day would have been if I never noticed that damned quarter. 

          Is this a true story? Who cares.