Aint this Cute!

Here's a DR. P. Poorluk poem for all of you emotional types. Concept via my Rise of the Assweeds blog.

I've taped my windows to my house, securely fastened like a louse.
Drilled new peepholes to see who's there. My aim was off, can only see hair.
About the house my peepholes fall, at least 13 through every wall.
Here and there I came to find, wires in walls that cooked my mind.
The drill hit one and shot out a spark, so now I'm hidden in the dark.
I find in the dark number two can be done, but I'm still perfecting number one.
So now I hold number one till the day, at times I can't make it all the way.
Small price to pay for my seclusion, mother says I'm in some kind of delusion.
She wouldn't think of who's lurking about, she's stuck at home rubbing her gout.
But I know the freaks outside of my door, the weirdos, the  crazies with whom I'm at war!

*Gonzo the cat was not hurt in the creation of this poem.*

10 Signs- You May be an Assweed

This is a public service designed to educate & inform individuals on the surrounding dangers of every day life & people.If you fit in any of the explanations below, you may be an assweed, & are a domestic enemy of the constitution of the United States, and those who abide therein.

You are an Assweed if....

1. You pack an icecream sandwich in your child's lunchbox for school. Just because it's a pre made sandwich, doesn't mean it's a good idea.
2. You shut off your refrigerator because you are going off on a long trip. Energy conservation is a good idea, but you probably left the hot water heater on because you are an assweed.
3. Traffic- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
4. Long lines at the store- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
5. You park your car at the four way intersection to wait & see the pretty red light.
6. You lie in wait to attack anyone with the gaul to complete an entire sentence. Either written or spoken.
7. You have already passed the number of sentences you are typically able to read before punching the cat. 
8. You have a cat. (Disclaimer to cat lovers!! Not all people with cats are assweeds, but all assweeds have cats. They are usually kept under the gas / brake pedals of their automobiles.)
9. If you lick your LCD screen thinking that you'll get high, not only are you an assweed, but you have no rights under the protection of law.
10. Lastly, if you complain about gaining weight from eating fast food, & decide to sue someone over it, check your child's lunchbox for a weeks worth of melted ice cream sandwiches.  But perhaps there is no need! If you made it this far, you must not be an assweed. 

More to follow on the matter as things get worse out there.

Assweeds

(For the definition of the title of this post, please see the People are Wacky post)

I think it may be interesting to write a post about things people do where they should otherwise know better. Assweeds have a habit of doing these things on a regular basis, and will take offense immediately.

Assweeds- Joggers or bicyclists that have a 6 foot wide breakdown lane to travel down but insist on hovering the line! Beware, I hover the line too!

Assweeds- People that love to let you know how tough or crazy they are. We all know these people, and it is a quick realization, you are in the presence of an assweed.

In an almost empty theater, where you are the only one in there watching a mid day Monday movie, the person that decides to sit directly in front of you... You know what they are. And they're out there in droves!

This could go on & on forever, but does it really need to? These people will inevitably be chased down dark alleyways by torch carrying mobs of people anyways, as is always their fate. I guess maybe a bit of kindness would be......well.... Ah never mind! Bring out the torches! < a href='http://www.ablogin.com/' > A Blogin Blog Directory< /a >