Straightening out a sheared strip of material

Straightening out a sheared strip of material

Aluminum, Stainless, or Mild Steel

Aluminum, Stainless, or Mild Steel:

'via Blog this'

Wha Are The Chances?

Why live entertainment should never take part on a plane.

Sometimes It's Good To be an American

At least in the US we don't make trains out of people!

They didn't let the guy on the tracks join the people train due to a difference of views between coffee or tea.

Happy New Year Everyone! You're All Gonna Die!

     Behold! It is the dread year 2012! Finally, less than a year left where we can be entertained by the gloom and doom that TV shows and movies have thrived on over the last several years. I mean, who doesn't know that we're all gonna die this coming December?

     Hmm... Guess it didn't dawn on me that there could be a few people left that may not have been paying attention to the discovery channel. If this is you, please relax as I break this to you as carefully as possible. You are going to die in December. Don't panic, because everyone you know is going to die as well. But at least before you die you will have the chance to see a quick moment of the earth spinning fluid-like at about 1,000 miles per hour under your feet while the poles swap, or maybe a mega tsunami blotting the sun out over your house. On the other hand, you may have the chance to see a mega super ray of energy burn through our atmosphere, blasting from a quasar billions of miles away that just happened to reach us. Sorry to bring you down, but you may need to rev change your New Years resolutions to accommodate not lasting the year.

     On the other hand, the Mayans (the ones who named the date) call it the time of change, not necessarily the day of destruction. I am going to love to see how that one is played out. If nothing happens, how quickly do you think the die hard end of timers will come up with excuses? The end has started, but it will take longer than their lifetime for the end to take full effect. Kind of like an end of world time release capsule that Earth will swallow in December.

     Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be the guy treading water while watching the ark float away, after telling Noah he's a reject for thinking that it's going to rain. That would be embarrassing. Nor do I want to fall into the 'We're all gonna die' company, as this perception is usually nuts. Especially when particular dates are given.

    Personally, I think the Mayan calender ends on that particular day for a different kind of reason. Reason being is, well, it needs to end somewhere! Think about the guy who had to perform all the calculations. Staring at the stars every night scribbling down this lousy calendar, dealing with cataracts that has made even that particularly difficult, and scratching down results with arthritic hands and fingers. Spending his adult life trying to figure out the date for thousands of years after he will be long since dead. It was made by a human, how the hell is it going to go on infinitely? I guess I'm saying he stopped. Flat out decided that enough is enough... December of the year 2012 is as good of a time as any to call it a job well done.

     Oh yeah, there is that whole alien giving the Mayans their calendar thing... Of course...

Merry Christmas to All!

     Oh my god did I say Merry Christmas?

     Happy Holidays my ass. I love how this time of year brings out the whiner in allot of people. The same people that complain about what's been on a building for the last 80 years, or file complaints because someone's yard decorations make them think of a religion besides their own. What I dislike about these people even more is that they've forced me to whine about them! 


     This isn't a personal gripe, as if someone's complained about any decor in my yard. But every time I turn on any talk radio or watch the news, inevitably there it is. Someone's put up a nativity scene again and someone driving through town is offended and uses his right to form a protest. Of all the things to complain about... I wish I had so few things to worry about and waste time on, to file complaints to town offices and stand around in protest because someone does something I don't like. 


     If you don't like it, don't look at it. And if you happen to look at it anyway, mumble and curse under your breath about these people like any other red blooded American, and make an end of it. To be any more reactive than that is just being a sniveling whine-ass that needs an enema. 


Aside from the statements above I have no strong feelings on the matter.


Merry Christmas to all!
Dr. P.

Dr P's Famous Quotes & Reactions

1. Money doesn't buy happiness. Even if this is true, misery is insured without it. This is still a stupid quote as money doesn't buy anything... People do.

2. The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is. What if you're a scumbag? Or how about a would be child molester coming to the realization of what he is after getting his ass kicked all over a playground by a couple of enraged parents? Does this eureka moment produce a sense of happiness?

3. He jumped the shark (or) Don't jump the shark. What's wrong with 'Don't overreact' or 'take your time'? This sounds more like what you'd say about a suicide. For example, One would say "Where's Stan?" the other answers "You didn't hear? Last Tuesday he jumped the shark." Wouldn't that be a more likely outcome from jumping a shark? Death?

4. Don't rain on my parade! This usually comes when someone is given news that he or she doesn't like. Well, if you can't deal with the truth, you don't deserve to have your own personal dumb ass parade! Stand on the sidewalks like everyone else that had enough sense to bring an umbrella.

I'll do some more of these as they come to mind. Until then, stay safe and remember... Never punch a gift horse in the mouth with a roll of wooden nickles.

Horses have four horseshoes... They must be the luckiest creatures of them all. Hmmmm...

Aint this Cute!

Here's a DR. P. Poorluk poem for all of you emotional types. Concept via my Rise of the Assweeds blog.

I've taped my windows to my house, securely fastened like a louse.
Drilled new peepholes to see who's there. My aim was off, can only see hair.
About the house my peepholes fall, at least 13 through every wall.
Here and there I came to find, wires in walls that cooked my mind.
The drill hit one and shot out a spark, so now I'm hidden in the dark.
I find in the dark number two can be done, but I'm still perfecting number one.
So now I hold number one till the day, at times I can't make it all the way.
Small price to pay for my seclusion, mother says I'm in some kind of delusion.
She wouldn't think of who's lurking about, she's stuck at home rubbing her gout.
But I know the freaks outside of my door, the weirdos, the  crazies with whom I'm at war!

*Gonzo the cat was not hurt in the creation of this poem.*

Using Keyword Bubble

          I mad libbed my keyword bubble that you'll find here on the site called 'Trippy Word Count', out of a complete lack of intelligent thought. It is kind of weird, but what would you expect on a page dawning the word! Keywords were not moved from the order they were in when I cut & pasted them, and they have been italicized. It actually is kind of a challenge to come up with any continuity. What the hell, why not read the rest of the post to see what I've come up with!



         In the year 2012, I hope that supernatural abilities evolve for anyone who uses adsense. The wrong advice given in the opportune moment can be amazing! When given bad advice by a group of assweeds, you find yourself with your brain shrunken just a bit, and babble dribbles out of your face like a fountain. When encountered with this sort of bad luck, bikes are out of the question since you may be killed.
          If you tend to block reality, blogging may very well be the answer to all of the aforementioned issues. Instead of staring at your walls like a bobble head, try books! Or, you may feast your brain on this kind of BS. If you want to change your life, fashion a  complaint of some sort, and get in the game!  
          Are you the type that finds conspiracy in everything you see? Well, you're probably crazy. But rejoice because they make a  cream for that and can be found in any region at your local Walmart! That's right! For a measly 50 credits, definition of such a condition can be changed to fit your needs.
         Side effects are violent  deja vu episodes of becoming a Disney character. Driving is not recommended while using this miracle, because it tends to make you evil. If you fancy the falling game, this also may be a side effect that will lead down the trail of the goofy. 
          If you choose to research this miracle cure via Google, you may run into some undesirables. You may bump into someone who decides to call you a  hairliphammerjackcolon, but use kid gloves with such a person, as hangnails tend to mess with a people's heads. Do not use the high beams on the way to Walmart, you may stir the hornets. 
          A sense of humor should never be used while eating ice icecream, because it may distract and kill  joggers. Jogging can be very dangerous, and in life, you should be creating a list of these dangers that come with exercise. If you keep it in your lunchbox, money pours out of your thermos like water from a fall, from there your ready for the movies! Political music is harmful to listen to while exercising, as the nerves begin to exit the nervous system. 
          Another note... Bad news over an online job creates too mush pain for paranormal people. If you are powerful, a  prediction from a  psychic may cause you to hide from the public. So be sure to leave a quarter as a tip. Quitter Socks are ill advised while dealing with that medium, and may cause him to rant over his sandwich.
          If you search online for a story,  teeth begin to grow in the heads of terrorists giving them thoughts of eating food. This time, the toothache is all theirs, and may cause traffic in the space between their ears which may prevent them from being able to travel. 
          If you feel like being alongside trees, try taking a  trek through the woods. While trekking, Don't be  wacky and walk weird like an idiot. Use words that  writers would be proud of when not suffering from writers block If you follow all the instruction given on this post, you will deserve to be committed to the nearest psychiatric, mental facility. 

Cause and Effect

          So I took a stroll down the street one day with several things on my mind. Half paying attention to my surroundings, (Just enough to keep myself from getting plastered by oncoming traffic), my gaze shifted to an object, somehow placed on loose runoff sand roadside. A quarter. I've got no problem picking up change that others decide they don't want. Fools! 
          While squatting, picking up my twenty five cent treasure, I see a small game trail shooting off into the woods. I stand and figure why not? So down the trail I go. Twenty minutes or so go by, the roar of traffic is now long since gone, replaced by the tranquil sounds of the woods. Still preoccupied with deep thought, I never noticed. 
          All of a sudden my attention deficit had been violently assaulted by a muddy brook that spanned a foot across and a foot deep. After removing my foot from the muck, I looked around and realized that I had absolutely no idea where I had wound up. No big deal, just come back the way you came. Right?
          Wrong. The game trail had broken off into several different directions, at several intervals throughout the woods. So I pick what 'feels' right and move along with one foot now heavier than the other. In my trek, I hear buzzing coming from overhead. A hornet's nest perched midway up a dead tree. Great! Needless to say, my pace quickens, but to no avail. Throughout a quarter mile radius from where I stood, one would hear, "Aah",then followed by the sound of a slap, then another "Aah", slap, "Aah", slap, "AAAAAAAHHHHH" over and over again. This repeated till I moved out of the hornet's range.
          Walking on, (with leaves, mud, and small twigs stuck to my shoe), I found myself very distracted with periodic mosquito swats and branch dodging. At one point, this chosen trail started climbing up a steep hill. Eventually I found myself clutching at branches, trying to pull myself up without losing balance. Midway up, I latched on to a thick branch in which I took full confidence in it's ability to hold my weight while I pulled myself onward. I chose unwisely. Snap! Off I go spiraling down the hill, smashing into every branch and tree that once helped me on. My plummet stops and I can think of only one thing. The phrase, 'Falling out of the ugly tree and hitting every branch on the way down.' Why I don't know, it was just there.
          After a while, I abandoned the trails and just decided to make my own way to the road and found success. When I reached the road, I took a moment to assess myself. Everything I had worn was filthy from the tumble. Pants ripped, shirt ripped, one white shoe, one dark brown with woods poo, stings around the face and several places that I dare not inspect roadside, and small scratches anywhere that was exposed. As I stood, not 1 mile away from home, a car pulls aside and stops. The driver kindly handed me a twenty and proceeded to direct me to the nearest shelter, and drove away.
          I walk into the house and into the living room where my wife sat horrified at the sight of me. "What the hell happened to you!" she said almost in a panic. 
          "I found a quarter." I said plainly, then went back outside and began contemplating how good my day would have been if I never noticed that damned quarter. 


          Is this a true story? Who cares.

10 Things that you will do in one day.

          It being quite a while since I've posted anything at all on any of my blogs, I'd like to take this opportunity to explain why. I've mastered a new psychic ability. One which I am going to prove to you right now, that I am the most powerful being in the universe. I present to you 10 things that you will do in one day. I am going to lay out one of your days for you. This will be every day of your life. For those that have been reincarnated, your previous lives do not apply. Read on and be amazed!


1. Wake up.
No matter what time, you will wake up at least once in any given day, save one. And on  that day you don't wake, I predict that you will be dead.


2. Find a Toilet.
You will either go and use your own, one at work, at friend's, maybe even create one against a tree somewhere. No matter what, you will find one.


3. Think about something you would like to do, or need to do for the day.
Anything from combing your hair, going to work, turning on your computer, buying gas, hitting the john, hitting the neighbors dog with a lamp, jumping off a bridge.... You know. Daily mundane stuff.


4. You will look at something.
(The blind excluded) I predict today you will look at something at some point in your day, & will be unprovoked in any way, to think any differently than you would have otherwise.


5. You will dodge something.
Be it someone crossing your path, walking around a wall to find a doorway, a vehicle, or any other type of non-organic projectile. You will move.


6. You will pick something up.
Your keys, pants, socks, kids, cats, dogs, wallet, purse, mail, phone, silverware, dumbbell, barbell, brick, fork, spoon, cup, glass, box, salt / pepper shakers, can, cards, cash, and a bag... I know without a shadow of a doubt, that you will pick up at least one of these on any given day for the rest of your lives. Try not to be as humbled as you know you should be by my psychicness...ness.


7. You will smell something.
You will at some point in a day, smell something. More often than not, it will be yourself. For good or for shame.


8. You will eat, or want to eat something.
Knowing that some people lack the concept of time, and go a day or two without eating, I predict that these people will miss a day or two every now and then, but will at least think of eating something. These people are either Gears of War fans or victims of a Star Trek the Next Generation marathon. Everyone else will eat something. Be Amazed!


9. You will think of at least two songs.
Guaranteed. You will think of at least two. One that you like, and one you wish you had never been subjected to. These are the ones that stick inside your head all day. Love Boat theme & disco songs are the worst offenders. Love.... So exciting and new....


10. You will get annoyed at least once.
At the very least, once. Your dog won't stop licking itself, leaky pipes, the computer is extremely slow, your lighter stopped working, traffic is making you late for your the rest of your life, squeaky doors & chairs, other peoples kids, head or body aches, nothing but crap on television, thumb squashed with a hammer, hangnails, nonstop ringing o the phone, soggy cereal, wedgies, spam, beatings, hold ups, getting shot by accident (annoying), losing your stuff, finding your stuff and it's ruined or on fire, close calls, faulty appliances, lousy views, bad weather, blown bulbs, low oil, people deciding to suck, trashy pits, swamp ass, kids fighting, neighbors fighting and on fire, lead broken on pencils, you spilled your drink, you slipped and fell, cow flops too fresh on tossing day, just came back from the store and found that you are out of something you didn't pick up, ringing ears, bad gas with unfortunate timing, mosquitoes or anything else that needs to buzz in your ear, and last but not least... Alarm clocks.


   Any one of these will happen to every one of you, every day for the rest of your lives!


          Please... Please... Your welcome. It is only a small token that I request in return for me making full use of this new paranormal gift that has been bestowed upon me. All I ask in return, is that you leave me a comment, describing how I have personally changed your life, now that I, in one amazing foul swoop, have unlocked the secrets of your future.

Your Brain Hates You!

I hate pain. All pain. Pain hurts. Pain is suppose to be the body's warning signal that something really bad is going on, which is fine. But why can't the body tone it down a bit, instead of us going through the agony of extreme pain? Especially over& over again over the same thing.

Pain is felt by nerves, which has to answer to the brain. They are connected to the brain through our nervous system... My problem with this is I guess our brains. Do our brains think that we're so stupid, that it's necessary to feel pain constantly when we hurt something? Think about a burn. In my opinion, there's nothing much worse than a burn. Pain can go on & on for quite some time, depending on the burns severity. Why the hell is it necessary to feel the pain of the burn consistently? Does our brain think that we'll forget about that fleshy, blistering smear stretched up the arm due to a violent accident with a toaster? Why would our brain think we'd forget? There's a conundrum for you.

How about a tooth ache? Ever have one of those so bad that there is no rest, no relief, no mercy? You can feel the swelling running up your face & down your neck, can barely open your eyes due to the pain. I don't mean having to deal with a cavity. I'm talking about the "It's time to go to the hospital before you die of infection" type of thing. Ever been through that? And you still think that your brain doesn't hate you? I would think that there's got to be a better way! Maybe override your decision making area & throw you into robot mode, that forces you to head to the nearest medical facility. Well, I guess that's the same concept as night of the living dead, but you know what I mean. But the brain chooses pain. Damn thing!



To support the case over how cruel the brain can be, I give you phantom pains. How tormenting to the unfortunate individual who is missing any particular part of the body, that they feel pain in the part that is now gone! It's not enough that you no longer have that leg, but your brain that hates you, is giving you an invisible pain on your invisible knee as a reminder! How evil is that?

B*LLS%$T

Speaking of Weird Thoughts & Misc. Babble, I would like to address the lots of dough through blogging BS. How many blogs are out there that tell you how to make millions online through blogging & having people clicking your adsense, or other things of that nature? Not that I'm any expert on the subject, but I could make more with one hours worth of overtime at work, than 1 whole month on the internet! If I'm doing something terribly wrong, fine. Like I said, I have little knowledge of what I'm doing. (Guess I didn't say that before, ah well..) But it seems to me that if you want to make any steady money online, you have to become a slave to your computer nonstop for hours.

If all of your eggs are in one basket, when do you have time to do anything at all? If you have to steadily promote, promote, promote, for a lousy couple of bucks, what are you going to do when you actually have something else that you have to do for a few days? Go Broke! Maybe I can't see the forest for the trees, but from my house, everybody claiming to be making a steady income via blogging, must be dumping a good chunk of change into advertizing, & having people click their adds through esp. If there is anyone out there that has the ability to do this through such a super power, please contact me. I have a plan that will make us millions!
Aside from that I have no strong feelings on the matter.

Before leaving, please show your patronage to these fine sponsors you see scattered all over my page! Go to one of interest & buy something. If you don't the terrorists win & the economy will continue to slide down hill!

Thinking with Babble

Does the voice in your head have a different accent than your own? Not an extra voice mind you, but the one you think with.

I think some people's think voice must have a real thick accent that differs from their own, making it difficult for them to understand. Some people act like their thought voice is a different language all together. 
These are stupid people. All heavily populated areas could be cured of the majority of stupid people, if there was a way to match them with the same language that their brain is trying to communicate to them with.


Take the guy screaming at his shoe at the park. Screaming into your own shoe isn't always unusual, but he's blindfolded himself with his sock, (exposing 5 different colored toenails), & also beating the guy sitting next to him with the cover to a trash barrel. This person obviously has mental problems, but the guy sitting next to him is STUPID! 

Why else would he still be sitting there? He speaks English, but could quite possibly have a brain that tells him what to do in Swedish. This man dose not understand Swedish, nor would he know that it is Swedish. Maybe several generations ago, he had a great, great grandfather that was a full blooded Swede. Who knows? Either way, common sense dictates, when there's a guy blindfolded with a sock sitting on a park bench, screaming into his shoe about it having a big mouth, & is hitting you with the lid to a trash can, leave the guy alone & sit somewhere else!


Hereditary? Maybe. Then again, maybe it's something in the water. 

Follow my new blog as well

Just a quick self plug & announcement...
I have created a new blog solely dedicated to the assweed.
Rise of the Assweed: War Journal
I did this to cater to everyone that has enjoyed the rantings over the secret organization that has been eluding us for years, but staying in our face as well. Please subscribe & enjoy. Thanks.
PS.. Still goint to keep posting the usual weird thoughts & misc. babble on here, as I just can't escape it!
Thank you!

10 Signs- You May be an Assweed

This is a public service designed to educate & inform individuals on the surrounding dangers of every day life & people.If you fit in any of the explanations below, you may be an assweed, & are a domestic enemy of the constitution of the United States, and those who abide therein.

You are an Assweed if....

1. You pack an icecream sandwich in your child's lunchbox for school. Just because it's a pre made sandwich, doesn't mean it's a good idea.
2. You shut off your refrigerator because you are going off on a long trip. Energy conservation is a good idea, but you probably left the hot water heater on because you are an assweed.
3. Traffic- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
4. Long lines at the store- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
5. You park your car at the four way intersection to wait & see the pretty red light.
6. You lie in wait to attack anyone with the gaul to complete an entire sentence. Either written or spoken.
7. You have already passed the number of sentences you are typically able to read before punching the cat. 
8. You have a cat. (Disclaimer to cat lovers!! Not all people with cats are assweeds, but all assweeds have cats. They are usually kept under the gas / brake pedals of their automobiles.)
9. If you lick your LCD screen thinking that you'll get high, not only are you an assweed, but you have no rights under the protection of law.
10. Lastly, if you complain about gaining weight from eating fast food, & decide to sue someone over it, check your child's lunchbox for a weeks worth of melted ice cream sandwiches.  But perhaps there is no need! If you made it this far, you must not be an assweed. 

More to follow on the matter as things get worse out there.

Quitter Socks & Hangnails

Weird Thought - Quitter socks & hangnails. They occupy different parts of the body, but both are a pain in the same place.

Misc. Babble - No matter what problems & troubles life throws your way, you will never be so annoyed, as when you are trying to hammer a nail that is shorter than the fingers you're holding it in.

Weird Thought - Ozzy Osbourne was once the Crazy Train, is now the Drool Cup. The natural succession we all must go through.....He who was once a stretched crew, alas, has become a quitter sock.

Weird Thought - It is a scientifically proven fact, that quitter socks & hangnails can not coexist in the same place at the same time. If you take your quitter sock & place it on the appendage in which the hangnail occupies, it then has become a bandage or mitten. The rules change for an airborne hangnail which has just been removed. If it happens to land inside the open cuff on the sock, it then becomes sock debris, & is already not a hangnail anymore but just a piece of dejected skin.

I may touch up on this subject once more in a later post, as it's importance is greater than what we can typically comprehend. It is my duty to keep you informed, as knowing...is half the battle.

Deja vu & High Beams

Misc. Babble- The other day I had a moment of deja vu. I remember thinking, 'I feel as though I've done this before.' Then, ' I feel as though I've been here before!' But then, ' I feel as though I've thought this before!' This went on all day until I realized that I've done that before, which started the process all over again.

Weird Thought- Have you ever been driving down a lonely back road in the middle of the night? You may not have a moving vehicle coming at you for several miles, if at all. So you turn on your high beams. Within seconds there is another car coming! Almost without fail every time! I think this is part of the vast assweed conspiracy set up against good willed motorists.
They lie in wait for their signal, the flash of the high beams turning on. Their purpose is to inconvenience you by forcing you to shut your beams off, once you really start noticing how much better you can see everything. Even worse, they will come at you with theirs on & try to blind you right off the road!
These are the same people that take 1/2 an hour at the front of the line at the store, fumbling around with 5 bad credit cards. They can also be found 12 miles ahead of you creating traffic jams, so be aware! Please see the People are Weird post for the assweed definition.

Three Unfortunate Observations

Misc. Babble- Joggers. Have you ever seen a jogger that just looks wrong doing what they're doing? Some people just don't look like they should be jogging at all. Arms flailing around everywhere, or even worse, jogging with their hands down. These people need to be introduced to any Rocky movie to see how it's done. If this is you, stop it. You look like you just escaped from somewhere that nobody needs to know about. Please, for the love of God, don't do that.

Misc. Babble- TV Bobble Heads. These are people, usually in commercials, that feel like they need to bob their head everywhere, because that's what you do in order to appear genuine & sincere. Don't they have any idea how this comes across to normal people? A rehearsed head gesture for almost every syllable. If you have never noticed this phenomenon, now that I mentioned it, you will!

Weird Thought- Have you ever been in a comatose state while you were driving? You get to your destination without missing a beat, no accident, no mishaps, & no wrong turns. Eventually you get out of your car & say to yourself, "How did I get here?".
That same person can go home & unintentionally slam into a wall or a piece of furniture in a home that they have lived in for years! I know there are many of us out there! Kind of scary when you think about it.

The Things People Will Search For!

Being a blogger or webmaster, you become familiar with the importance of search terms or keywords. Ever wonder about the outlier terms that nobody would think to even say, never mind place as a label? Let's explore with the force called Google.

Results 1 - 10 of about 7,990,000 for skat
Results 1 - 10 of about 3,810,000 for booboo
Results 1 - 10 of about 8,960,000 for blah blah blah
Results 1 - 10 of about 135 for getoutofmybrain
Results 1 - 10 of about 202 for fulcrumface
Results 1 - 10 of about 1,670,000 for lamo
Results 1 - 10 of about 3,650 for assweeds. AAAAHHAAAHAHA! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!(See posts below)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for leafylightbulb
Results 1 - 10 of about 58,100 for moontag
Results 1 - 10 of about 2,450 for hammerneck
Results 1 - 10 of about 236,000 for wowzers
Results 1 - 10 of about 409,000 for yellowsnow
Results 1 - 10 of about 342,000 for blacksnow
Results 1 - 10 of about 44,900 for mondobeyondo

There were only a few that I cane up with that yielded no results.

Your search - hairliphammerjackcolon - did not match any documents.
Your search - byebyeyouuglysonofamongoose - did not match any documents.
Your search - leekyskinflapsoveradrytowel - did not match any documents.
Your search - motherneverlovedyoubozo - did not match any documents.

For targeted traffic to your site, we now know that above four terms are available to you.
Your Welcome People!