Follow my new blog as well

Just a quick self plug & announcement...
I have created a new blog solely dedicated to the assweed.
Rise of the Assweed: War Journal
I did this to cater to everyone that has enjoyed the rantings over the secret organization that has been eluding us for years, but staying in our face as well. Please subscribe & enjoy. Thanks.
PS.. Still goint to keep posting the usual weird thoughts & misc. babble on here, as I just can't escape it!
Thank you!

10 Signs- You May be an Assweed

This is a public service designed to educate & inform individuals on the surrounding dangers of every day life & people.If you fit in any of the explanations below, you may be an assweed, & are a domestic enemy of the constitution of the United States, and those who abide therein.

You are an Assweed if....

1. You pack an icecream sandwich in your child's lunchbox for school. Just because it's a pre made sandwich, doesn't mean it's a good idea.
2. You shut off your refrigerator because you are going off on a long trip. Energy conservation is a good idea, but you probably left the hot water heater on because you are an assweed.
3. Traffic- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
4. Long lines at the store- Your fault. (Already exists on a previous post)
5. You park your car at the four way intersection to wait & see the pretty red light.
6. You lie in wait to attack anyone with the gaul to complete an entire sentence. Either written or spoken.
7. You have already passed the number of sentences you are typically able to read before punching the cat. 
8. You have a cat. (Disclaimer to cat lovers!! Not all people with cats are assweeds, but all assweeds have cats. They are usually kept under the gas / brake pedals of their automobiles.)
9. If you lick your LCD screen thinking that you'll get high, not only are you an assweed, but you have no rights under the protection of law.
10. Lastly, if you complain about gaining weight from eating fast food, & decide to sue someone over it, check your child's lunchbox for a weeks worth of melted ice cream sandwiches.  But perhaps there is no need! If you made it this far, you must not be an assweed. 

More to follow on the matter as things get worse out there.

Quitter Socks & Hangnails

Weird Thought - Quitter socks & hangnails. They occupy different parts of the body, but both are a pain in the same place.

Misc. Babble - No matter what problems & troubles life throws your way, you will never be so annoyed, as when you are trying to hammer a nail that is shorter than the fingers you're holding it in.

Weird Thought - Ozzy Osbourne was once the Crazy Train, is now the Drool Cup. The natural succession we all must go through.....He who was once a stretched crew, alas, has become a quitter sock.

Weird Thought - It is a scientifically proven fact, that quitter socks & hangnails can not coexist in the same place at the same time. If you take your quitter sock & place it on the appendage in which the hangnail occupies, it then has become a bandage or mitten. The rules change for an airborne hangnail which has just been removed. If it happens to land inside the open cuff on the sock, it then becomes sock debris, & is already not a hangnail anymore but just a piece of dejected skin.

I may touch up on this subject once more in a later post, as it's importance is greater than what we can typically comprehend. It is my duty to keep you informed, as knowing...is half the battle.

Deja vu & High Beams

Misc. Babble- The other day I had a moment of deja vu. I remember thinking, 'I feel as though I've done this before.' Then, ' I feel as though I've been here before!' But then, ' I feel as though I've thought this before!' This went on all day until I realized that I've done that before, which started the process all over again.

Weird Thought- Have you ever been driving down a lonely back road in the middle of the night? You may not have a moving vehicle coming at you for several miles, if at all. So you turn on your high beams. Within seconds there is another car coming! Almost without fail every time! I think this is part of the vast assweed conspiracy set up against good willed motorists.
They lie in wait for their signal, the flash of the high beams turning on. Their purpose is to inconvenience you by forcing you to shut your beams off, once you really start noticing how much better you can see everything. Even worse, they will come at you with theirs on & try to blind you right off the road!
These are the same people that take 1/2 an hour at the front of the line at the store, fumbling around with 5 bad credit cards. They can also be found 12 miles ahead of you creating traffic jams, so be aware! Please see the People are Weird post for the assweed definition.

Three Unfortunate Observations

Misc. Babble- Joggers. Have you ever seen a jogger that just looks wrong doing what they're doing? Some people just don't look like they should be jogging at all. Arms flailing around everywhere, or even worse, jogging with their hands down. These people need to be introduced to any Rocky movie to see how it's done. If this is you, stop it. You look like you just escaped from somewhere that nobody needs to know about. Please, for the love of God, don't do that.

Misc. Babble- TV Bobble Heads. These are people, usually in commercials, that feel like they need to bob their head everywhere, because that's what you do in order to appear genuine & sincere. Don't they have any idea how this comes across to normal people? A rehearsed head gesture for almost every syllable. If you have never noticed this phenomenon, now that I mentioned it, you will!

Weird Thought- Have you ever been in a comatose state while you were driving? You get to your destination without missing a beat, no accident, no mishaps, & no wrong turns. Eventually you get out of your car & say to yourself, "How did I get here?".
That same person can go home & unintentionally slam into a wall or a piece of furniture in a home that they have lived in for years! I know there are many of us out there! Kind of scary when you think about it.

The Things People Will Search For!

Being a blogger or webmaster, you become familiar with the importance of search terms or keywords. Ever wonder about the outlier terms that nobody would think to even say, never mind place as a label? Let's explore with the force called Google.

Results 1 - 10 of about 7,990,000 for skat
Results 1 - 10 of about 3,810,000 for booboo
Results 1 - 10 of about 8,960,000 for blah blah blah
Results 1 - 10 of about 135 for getoutofmybrain
Results 1 - 10 of about 202 for fulcrumface
Results 1 - 10 of about 1,670,000 for lamo
Results 1 - 10 of about 3,650 for assweeds. AAAAHHAAAHAHA! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!(See posts below)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for leafylightbulb
Results 1 - 10 of about 58,100 for moontag
Results 1 - 10 of about 2,450 for hammerneck
Results 1 - 10 of about 236,000 for wowzers
Results 1 - 10 of about 409,000 for yellowsnow
Results 1 - 10 of about 342,000 for blacksnow
Results 1 - 10 of about 44,900 for mondobeyondo

There were only a few that I cane up with that yielded no results.

Your search - hairliphammerjackcolon - did not match any documents.
Your search - byebyeyouuglysonofamongoose - did not match any documents.
Your search - leekyskinflapsoveradrytowel - did not match any documents.
Your search - motherneverlovedyoubozo - did not match any documents.

For targeted traffic to your site, we now know that above four terms are available to you.
Your Welcome People!

Assweeds

(For the definition of the title of this post, please see the People are Wacky post)

I think it may be interesting to write a post about things people do where they should otherwise know better. Assweeds have a habit of doing these things on a regular basis, and will take offense immediately.

Assweeds- Joggers or bicyclists that have a 6 foot wide breakdown lane to travel down but insist on hovering the line! Beware, I hover the line too!

Assweeds- People that love to let you know how tough or crazy they are. We all know these people, and it is a quick realization, you are in the presence of an assweed.

In an almost empty theater, where you are the only one in there watching a mid day Monday movie, the person that decides to sit directly in front of you... You know what they are. And they're out there in droves!

This could go on & on forever, but does it really need to? These people will inevitably be chased down dark alleyways by torch carrying mobs of people anyways, as is always their fate. I guess maybe a bit of kindness would be......well.... Ah never mind! Bring out the torches! < a href='http://www.ablogin.com/' > A Blogin Blog Directory< /a >

Oh, More Babble-Movies

Misc. Babble- Do you know why there was never a true sequel to the Grinch who Stole Christmas? The snowflake melted. What a different story that would have wound up being! Rated R for graphic violence & scenes of despair. I don't think Christmas would be nearly as important of an issue in that one.

Misc. Babble- Old Disney movies. They all have a tear jerking moment that always emotionally destroy the kids that watch them. Why? Bambi's mother in the fire, Dumbo's mother, The Fox & the Hound, etc... Bastards!

Misc. Babble- I've never given any ear to anyone complaining that a fictitious movie, based on a fictitious book, was not exactly like the book. They're both made up! Why should they be the same? What difference does it make? Why in the world would someone who just read the book, decide to go pay to see something exactly like what they just read? Just READ THE BOOK AGAIN! You already payed for it! Don't go see the movie just to complain about how it's so much different than the book! Assweeds!(Yes it is now a word. Please refer to my previous post to read the definition.)

Speaking of assweeds, has anybody in the movie industry ever thought to put an end to the credits that nobody has watched for the last 20 years? Why don't they post it all on a website, & show the URL at the end of the movie? That way they don't spend allot of money on the act of putting them in the end of the movie, theaters may be able to cram another movie's worth of time in, thus generating more revenue, & people like me that take off the minute the credits start rolling, won't miss the little piece of movie that is placed either towards the end or after the credits.

More eventually. Thank you for reading!

Writers Block

It appears to me I am currently suffering from a slight case of writers block. That being the case, I thought I'd write about it. I figure why not? If that's all I can come up with, that's what I'm going to damn well do.

I guess the first thing I notice is the feeling of time running by as I sit with a 1000 mile stare toward, my screen. Could write about politics, but then the comments fill up with people defending their parties. I know my side is right, so why bother? Could write about people, but I find people, (not to be confused with persons or individuals), generally suck. Maybe I'll do that later.

Ever notice that most mid 90's to early 2000's music was all about self loathing, being victimized, and other forms of whining about one thing or another? In some cases, the heavier the music, the more severe the whining! Makes me sick. But I don't know if I should post that on a blog.

I could bring up how we're all going to die on the year 2012, but that would bring on something similar to the politics problem. Don't want to go there.

I guess writers block isn't exactly how it sounds. It's more like writers will. Whether a writer is willing to write something or not. Like an exchange of ideas that goes on without notice by the writer. At least that's what happens to me.

Hopefully something a bit more interesting next time!
Link Beetle

People are Wacky

Misc. Babble- I believe that the person who defined the word 'perfect' had their expectations way too high.

Misc. Babble- In a perfect world, or a Utopian society, I would still need to mow my lawn.

Weird Thought- Speaking of people defining things, where is the census held, when a word or phrase is changed to mean something completely different than what it use to? Everybody knows what these words are before the meaning changes, & oddly enough, everybody seem to know what it means after it changes! Who is on this seemingly invisible census board that has the power to change a word's very meaning without any alarm to the general public? Try it sometime & see if you are successful. I'll try it right now. From now on, I hereby declare that the words ass & weeds a new combined word that will loose any previous definition either may have held, & have formatted it below in a manner that Webster's can cut & paste it into their dictionary.

Main Entry: assweeds

Pronunciation: \aswēds\

Function: noun

Etymology: probably alteration of ass & weeds

Date: 2009

1: a person that is unliked by the general public 2 a: a new dance where people stand straight up & make donkey noises while listening to Frank Zappa tunes b: a tendency to produce spasmodic motions in the upper eyebrow area 3 a: a person being chased through the streets by the general public for no outward reason, only inward

There, Let's see if it catches on. Blogs That Follow